There are challenges having a boyfriend with kids.
- What is my role? I’m not their parent, not their friend. I’m the one that kisses their dad, but am not their parent, but tells them what to do if their dad is not there, if we’re in a hurry or if they’re getting on my goat.
- No one appreciates my authoritative participation. The kids resent having me involved, the dad wants to do it on his own, other family members feel like I’m not entitled to have a say.
- No one appreciates my behind-the-scenes participation. Washing the kids’ clothes, putting away their toys and clothes, making sure their sheets and towels are laundered regularly, cleaning the house before their arrival, those small things like checking they have toothpaste and hair bands… virtually unnoticed.
- No one wants to hear my opinions and ideas about behaviours, activities, bedtimes, and other things. It’s soooooooo frustrating to be ignored or not allowed to input at all.
- I don’t get consulted much, I’m more likely to get told what the plans are for the weekend. As a result, it’s hard to make plans unless they’re only for me. And arranging holidays is a nightmare.
- If I was to exit their life, no one would grieve for me. They’d be a little sad for a little while but ultimately, the kids wouldn’t care too much.
There are positives to having a boyfriend with kids.
- I receive cards, drawings, cuddles, help, chats and more just because I’m there.
- I get to see them grow, attempt, achieve and develop into young ladies.
- Children are incredibly entertaining. Whenever they’re around, the house is full of giggles and happiness.
- Having kids around encourages me to be more adult, to face challenges, to learn from all situations and be a role model for them.
- However, it’s an excuse to be silly and have lots of fun. I tend to join in at playgrounds, riding bikes and scooters, walks and any physical play as I enjoy being a kid at heart.
- More people to love.
I just found this article about being a stepmom that’s real, helpful and insightful. Seems it’s a challenge for lots of people.