I’ve almost completely given up on this blog. I have a deep calling to write from a business blog but am finding that one difficult to get going.
Wow, I was really pissed off in my last entry. My Easter holiday was amazing but way too short. We had an amazing time and came home straight back into drama. When we have holidays, I feel anxiety returning the closer we get to home. It’s part of my life now…
However, a few months ago I spiralled down into depression. I looked at all the crap and just stopped caring. For a while. I felt really really bad. It felt like a reality check. I let go of all the hope I’d been carrying and looked reality in the face. I didn’t like what I saw.
But depression is not a place for me to linger for long these days. I felt the old familiar depressive feelings and then dealt with my world again. I decided that I’d feel better if I could control something and had an animal to love and be loved and so asked the landlord if we could have a dog. I wrote a letter, contacted them every two weeks, we had a rental inspection. A few days ago they said YES!
It seems that I’m making changes though and dog adoption will have to wait until the time is right. The good news is I’ve paid off my debts. Car is paid off. Credit card is paid off. I have a small amount of tax to pay on a payment plan and have even put a teeny tiny amount into my savings account. I feel amazing when I save. I’ve even been to the dentist!
I work three jobs (sometimes more). I’ve been wanting to simplify for a while and it seems the Universe is providing. My new boss in my main earner is bringing in changes and dodgy contracts, the conditions were never fair anyway. I’m convinced I’m underpaid and that I could take the matter to fair work…however, it’s easier to just leave and not sign the contract. I’m over running someone else’s business for free. I’m over unpaid hours of work. I need to replace the income and am jobhunting and brainstorming what it is that I want to do or focus on. I’m sure if I can make a decision, it will help me out.
I’m hoping that leaving a bad work environment will help me out in the long run. At least I’m exploring what options there are out there.
I can see that I’m more focused on me and my life now. It’s helping me to feel stronger and more empowered. My partner is exploring going to court. We are also making plans to have a baby. We’ll have to figure out the money as we go.
Change isn’t always easy but it’s dependable. It can be fun and just maybe there are new shores ahead.