The venue was crowded and noisy and we sat around a table facing the stage. Mr Connection was to my left, slightly in front of me, strangers to my right.
A compère was talking into a microphone. People were drinking, chit chatting, enjoying the night atmosphere.
My hand was resting on his leg. I then noticed his jeans were undone at the crotch and he’d got his penis out. A big erection bending up at me. I moved my hand away and he pulled it back, asking me to leave it a while more. The compère laughed into the microphone that everyone in the room could see his dick. Put it away, mate. He had morphed into Mandorla Man. I felt horrible. Used.
That was the dream I woke up to this morning. After yesterday night, I’d said goodbye and let go of Mr Connection as I blew out my candles and tucked myself into bed. I asked for Divine guidance in my dreams.
I was a bit awkward in class. I spent much time dwelling on the feelings of my dream and little on learning. I had this sick feeling that I’d been taken advantage of – that he’d been messing me about in order to have someone nice and caring to talk with. Or that I’d been taking advantage of his vulnerability with my attractions. Or that I was repeating a relationship behaviour. Those damn mixed messages were confusing and I felt a bit awkward, embarrassed and unhappy.
Somehow I got through the day. It got easier and I was able to joke a bit and even talk casually in the class with Mr Connection.
I went to the library after school to print some music.
Mr Connection asked to talk with me.
He likes me. As in, would like to be in a relationship with me. He’d been nervous last night and his words hadn’t come out right. Also, I’d misunderstood and interpreted what he was saying as a rejection. Somehow he’d then been rejected by me. He wanted to clear it all up. He’d been flirting with me to try to make it obvious how he felt. He likes being around me. He cares for me. He thinks I have beautiful eyes.
Also, his situation is messy. He is grieving a serious loss. He comes with major baggage. He doesn’t even really know what he is offering. He’s not perfect.
He doesn’t want children.
I’m so attracted to him. I’ve been bending over backwards trying to not be and trying to not to rescue him. My life is pretty much booked out for another two months. And I’m still healing from previous relationships.
We’re going to stay friends for a while longer and just have everything out in the open.
Perhaps further down the track…
Piece of cake.