Am settling into the share house. It’s a bit strange hearing noises late at night or early in the morning but I’m getting more used to it. They’re not loud housemates, just up late or do shift work and I can hear murmurings through the walls.

But as much as I appreciate wildlife, there are rats scuttling around in the walls/ceilings and it definitely creeps me out. I think I’m allowed to be girly and panic around rats. My housemates tell me they’ve blocked up all the holes and the rodents don’t come in the house… anymore.

Meditated today and noticed incredible pressure around my chest and heart. Concrete. Walled. Pained. I just allowed it to be and thanked it for being there.

I realise I’m a lot less stressed without Mandorla Man around. He was quite a controlling person and had opinions on everything. And that’s just gone except for the voice in my head that notices how much more relaxed I am and is happy I’ve done things my way.

I’m starting to wonder if a partner can enhance my life. Right now I’m not alone yet have my own space. I have work, health, friends and family. I am loved. And my libido that has been MIA for quite some time seems to be making a bit of a reappearance. I can quite expertly and lovingly take care of those desires.  So I am really questioning the benefits of having a lover.

I still want children so I guess there’s that. I do still hope for someone who’s more than a sperm donor but don’t really believe in soulmates right now. I don’t know if I can (or am not ready to) believe in finding someone who loves me, wants to share a life together with positives and negatives but that we mostly bring out the best in each other.

Lastly, my brother is very ill and in hospital. I am trying not to worry about him – leaving that job for mum – and be positive. Going to visit him this weekend and go to my high school reunion. I will get to see my parents too.

Over and out.


Of the female variety and hungry for knowledge, truth and love.

Tagged with: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Dating, Inner World, Me Me Me!
4 comments on “Rat-tells
  1. doveyrat says:

    Amen, sister. We walk the same path re: sperm donor v. committed relationship. I will say this: having experienced both, I’d rather be alone by myself (with a few friends of the rodent persuasion for company) than lonely with someone else in the room, especially if he’s a REAL rat, you know, the two legged variety? My coin comes up donor more and more. But do try to lighten up about the rats. Invite them to vacate in some humane way–or live and let live…as long as they aren’t piddling in your kitchen cabinets. They’d never piddle in their own kitchen cabinets, after all, being extremely clean creatures where personal hygiene is concerned. Cheers!

    • Spiral says:

      I live in a town that is surrounded by National Park and the feral rats are a problem – not just for what they do to houses but more for the local native wildlife. Rats prey on bird eggs, lizards etc. and compete with the native animals for food. Besides that, they are NOISY. So, no, won’t be getting any pet rats. We may try live traps – apparently a zapper didn’t work and poison is cruel, there are dogs here and mostly doesn’t seem to work.

      As for the two-legged rats… I guess I’m still feeling bitter, wondering if all the pain is worth the gain. I expect time will heal and one day I’ll be ready to try again.

      Thank you for stopping by with your pack of rats 🙂

  2. Kymbo says:

    These days it seems hardly necessary to be in a relationship to have children, as an evolutionist I believe being a couple was for the care and raising of offspring, thats changing though. These days we have child care, better health and education prospects, the convenience of cars, shops etc. But when it comes down to it, raising a child is about the balance achieved between mother and father and even though it’s quite possible, theres nothing quite the same as being in a loving family.
    As for your rats..creepy little creatures, much as I hate killing things…

    • Spiral says:

      I believe it is healthy for a child to have female and male role-models/carers around but that can come from close friends, extended family, neighbours, other members of community. As long as there is love, acceptance, communication, respect etc. and some kind of functioning family-type unit of familiar loving faces, it all works out.

      P.S. I’m not in any way thinking about a donor (I’d adopt if I was going down that path). I do want the whole fairy tale of a loving partner and children, just finding it hard to imagine right now. This jaded feeling will pass in time.

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