A letter to my period

Dear Period,

I know that you are part and parcel of my fertile years in this life as a woman. That’s fine and dandy. Even if I don’t understand why I can’t simply switch you on and off as required for breeding, I can accept that it’s just the way things are. It’s a cosmic magical wondrous thing to be able to reproduce. I’m all for that.

It’s just that there are some things I want to ask you about and I expect you to consider your answers carefully. You see, it has come to my attention that you may be overstepping your position. I’m sure this matter can be cleared up with a few questions.

Okely dokely. Firstly, why do you invariably arrive just in the nick of time for camping trips, sleepovers, holidays at the beach, performances of any kind and formal events? You know, sometimes you’re not even due but appear early or late just especially to coincide with special events. Are you an attention-seeker and feel the need to be included in extraordinary ocassions?

And why is your flow so heavy? Why must you so deplete my body of iron and energy? Why does it seem to be your mission to stain all of my knickers? And while we’re on the subject, why do you flow heaviest when I am ready to sleep? Do you have a sadistic need to keep me and everyone else around me awake at night?

And this is really important: why is it that if I lie on my back, you manage to miss the long overnight pad altogether by sliding down my bum crack and out onto my underwear and bedclothes? I can appreciate it’s actually quite an impressive trick but did I ask you to be a clown?

And really, what’s the deal with the pain? I don’t for one second believe it to be a necessary part of the process.

Oh, and PMS, fluid retention, cravings, mid-cycle bleeding, endometriosis, clots??? And how about that time you didn’t stop for weeks and then I haemorrhaged and went blue? I bet you were hoping I’d forgotten about that!

Finally, why is it not the done thing to talk about you? For my teen years, and well beyond, I felt embarrassed, abnormal and afraid to talk about you, only to discover later on that all women have some kind of issues with their periods.

That’s all for now, Period. I hope you understand that I am asking for my menstruation with a minimum of fuss and no frilly (or distressing) extras. I suggest that you take up a hobby in order to fulfill your creative needs and look forward to hearing your reply.

Yours bodily,



Of the female variety and hungry for knowledge, truth and love.

Tagged with: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Health, Humour, Me Me Me!
8 comments on “A letter to my period
  1. Kymbo says:

    This is a very funny post about a seldom discussed topic. Men are so very happy that we dont have to put up with that…although putting up with you putting up with that is sometimes a pain as well.
    Good luck with that!

  2. Nice to see not all women feel the need to shelter that they menstruate and that no one should know about it. It’s definitely important for men to understand periods, as little as we may comprehend since we will never go through it. However, as people, male or female, learn about menstruation, it can become a fascinating and beautiful thing – much to be appreciated. I will not deny the discomfort and inconvenience of it, but it’s also an integral part of being able to bring a new life into this world.

    I know many men are completely unknowgable about menstruation, in fact, some are just downright ignorant. However, there are also many men who are embarrassed to reach out to a woman to ask for such intimate or personal details and experiences about menstruation, thus, they’re stuck in the dark forever. I’m glad to read this letter because it helps shed light on periods for males as my blogs goal is similar to that of your letter and it’s to help others become more aware of the realities of menstruation and what women have to go through.


    • Spiral says:

      Thanks for popping in to visit. I think it’s natural to be interested in the opposite sex or how things work. I have been fascinated by similar things too. I’ll have a better look at your blog after my move 🙂

  3. Z says:

    That was the funniest and most serious post ever, period.
    Surely I don’t know the answers to your questions but stress can be an answer to some of them. I have to start learning about that complicated function of females soon since our little girl is growing up fast and she needs some preparation ( I guess) or does it come with the sex ed?!
    By the way, PMS is not only for girls, some guys have it too or I can’t find a better explanation for HIS terrible moods once in a while.
    I hope your period starts behaving better in the mentioned situations, that truly ruin the mood.
    (Sorry for the long comment)
    ps: Did you get my e-mail?

    • Spiral says:

      I hope it’s a little while yet before you have to deal with this. The best thing I can suggest is to let A know that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about or ashamed of. It’s all normal and OK.

      Long comments are in no way a problem!

      And yes, I did get your email, just haven’t got around to replying *looks sheepish*

  4. Menstruation is a magical thing. I love how the cycles of women living together synchronize. Once I sat in the bedroom as my lover stamped her foot and screamed at me. When she let me go I left the room and her roommate came out of the bathroom literally growling like a wolverine. As I neared the front door, I found her other roommate weeping on the couch in the parlor. There was simply no safe place in the apartment. I had no choice but to leave.

    Seriously, every time the one I love gets her period, I say, “Congratulations.” It is a miracle.

    • Spiral says:

      I do believe menstruation is a miracle. An ex called would talk about “Moon Dew”. Sweet, huh? I believe your thoughts create your experiences so my issues/fears etc around being a woman are reflected in my life. The more I accept myself in every way, the healthier I become. It also helps to express my feelings. Writing letters and songs and drawing pictures helps me to love myself more 🙂

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