Packing. Feeling overwhelmed. Procrastinating. So-Fucking-Emotional. Brain-Will-Not-Stop. Aarrrgh.
I have nothing positive to say but I kinda wanna document it so that in 6 mths I can look back and see where I was and how far I’ve come.
Last night I listed all the qualities I don’t like in MM. Then I listed all the things I do like. There were more dislikes and they carried more weight. Now I can keep referring to my list to remind myself that he’s not right for me, rather than feel all rejected.
It’s still a shock to realise that it’s over. We’ve had possible break-ups before that were mended bandaided. He’d go away, come back and apologise (he was always the instigator) and we’d make up.
My picture of him has radically changed in the last 2 wks. More and more I feel like I’ve been blind. Is that what love does? Or perhaps what sex does? 5 weeks without sex and the sudden stopping of Oxytoxin and Vasopressin, the bonding hormones.
No point to this post, just thought I’d be better able to keep going if I did something creative.