I miss kissing. I miss hugs and the touch of his flesh. I miss being up close with his smell. I miss the physical, emotional and spiritual connection we had. It seems harder to have him physically in front of me but be unable to reach out. It’s pretty fucked-up to be still in the same house that we were lovers and now to be distancing ourselves.
He used to be the one I’d turn to. We’d comfort each other, talk about everything. A few weeks back we tried the resolution talks. Nope. And now it’s like living with a shell of the man I knew.
Everything is changing. I’ve been tying up my life and commitments up here. Basically, now all I am doing is packing and moving things. I’ve decided where I’m relocating to but am still looking for accommodation. It’s happening and I’ve got lots of options, it’s just more tricky to make plans from another town.
Part of me sees my actions and hears me tell people where I’m going and thinks, who is that talking, who is saying that?! It’s very bizarre and detached because part of me is still in denial. Once I am really out on my own – in a week or so – I think the real healing and moving forward will begin.
I’m thinking of studying next year, perhaps going to Uni. Once I’m on my own and can clear my head I want to set some goals and plans around work and/or study and what’s next for me.
What do I want?