Four Years of Growth

As each day passes, I notice more things that have come about in the last four years.

I am aware of mistakes I have made. Some of them I wish I could change. I know I would not repeat them, so I guess that makes them lessons, rather than errors.

I think of things that I did not want to do but said yes anyway. I think of things I said I’d do but did not. I did not intend to be dishonest. I’ve actually learned to hear my inner voice and am starting to listen and act on it.

I think of things I tolerated and things I forced upon others. Being aware of whether something makes you feel happy/positive or sad/fearful is another step in being honest.

I see the differences in the stage of life I am at and where MM is headed. There are similarities too. I used to focus/obsess on those. But out relationship was always challenging because there were more differences. Being open to each other about who we are and what we want means it’s easier to make choices.

I am starting to see the flip side; what it may have been like for him. It’s funny how  you can see things from a different perspective. It’s almost like we could have been living on different planets because our stories are so different. And I am aware that we all live separate lives and experiences… but it’s easy to forget and think everyone sees things your way.

I don’t condone much of the childish behaviour, manipulation, anger and ugliness that got us to this point. Beneath it all are two people who tried their best to make their relationship work.

Growing onwards and upwards


Of the female variety and hungry for knowledge, truth and love.

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Posted in love, Me Me Me!, My Partner, Personal Growth, Spirituality, Winds of Change
7 comments on “Four Years of Growth
  1. Kymbo says:

    Wise words indeed! Even when we share the very same experience we come out of it remembering it very differently, learning from it very different things and being affected in very different ways. This thing about two people becoming one is a load of crap, maybe we learn to tolerate each other to varying degrees and even to love each other, but we each stay one..even as a couple. Most of us eventually realise that it’s not so much a matter of one being right and one being wrong so much as it is a matter that we simply see things differently, and thats no ones fault. Life… like shit, happens!
    Sadly most of us learn these things way too late in life for it to do us much good. You seem to have a strong grasp on whats going on around and within you, so I continue to feel you have a great future.

    • Spiral says:

      Being able to see the experience from another perspective doesn’t mean I’m not still stuck in my drama! I’ve still gotta go through my lessons and listen to my intuition. But I guess it does reduce blame/anger/negativity somewhat. Oh well.

  2. mandy says:

    Thanks for the email, lovely to see you are still blogging…Sounds like much has changed within your life since I last read….You are amazing with your positive outlook on lifes lessons and like Kymbo says you will have a great future i`m sure….Keep staying positive…

    • Spiral says:

      Thanks for visiting, Mandy. Although I’m seeing the positive, I can assure you there’s also a side of me that’s immature and vengeful (I don’t pay much attention to her). And there’s also a sad side. Today I’m organising packing and moving and contacting people about accommodation and jobs. Finding I’m pretty emotional. Sucks.

  3. artistsblog says:

    I think, and I may be wrong, that I know you from a previous blogosphere. All secret identities are safe with me – we all have to protect our inner Super Hero from the Lex Luthors throwing that Kryptonite around.

    Man, I am THE QUEEN of the Life Mistakes. If you go down the Regrets path, it will spiral outa control and tunnel you deep underground. Don’t go there.

    Far better to have tried and ballsed it up, than wondering about What-Could-Have-Been-If-Only-I-Had-The-Guts. At least I know I gave it a go.

    I LOVE that saying-
    ” Three things come not back:
    The sped arrow
    The spoken word
    The lost opportunity”

    If it is You-that-I-think-I-know, I hope that you have the same strength and resilience that I knew you had from our previous conversations.

    A Japanese friend of mine gave me a mantra recently – “Fall 7 times, get up 8”. That is her definition of success.

    • Spiral says:

      I’m pretty sure I’m who you think I am! For now I don’t want my name splashed all over this blog but other than that, I’m happy to share with others that ‘know’ me. At first I wasn’t sure what I was going to write about but it has eventuated that I really just need a place to be myself. Fancy that!

      “Fall 7 times, get up 8″ – this is very wise. Very wise.

      I still visit your blog and enjoy your artistic and life adventures 🙂 I just don’t comment very often but perhaps I will change that.

  4. […] and possibly be a distraction. My top priority is to grieve, heal and move on from my recent relationship with Mandorla Man (I need a new name for him – any […]

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