As each day passes, I notice more things that have come about in the last four years.
I am aware of mistakes I have made. Some of them I wish I could change. I know I would not repeat them, so I guess that makes them lessons, rather than errors.
I think of things that I did not want to do but said yes anyway. I think of things I said I’d do but did not. I did not intend to be dishonest. I’ve actually learned to hear my inner voice and am starting to listen and act on it.
I think of things I tolerated and things I forced upon others. Being aware of whether something makes you feel happy/positive or sad/fearful is another step in being honest.
I see the differences in the stage of life I am at and where MM is headed. There are similarities too. I used to focus/obsess on those. But out relationship was always challenging because there were more differences. Being open to each other about who we are and what we want means it’s easier to make choices.
I am starting to see the flip side; what it may have been like for him. It’s funny how you can see things from a different perspective. It’s almost like we could have been living on different planets because our stories are so different. And I am aware that we all live separate lives and experiences… but it’s easy to forget and think everyone sees things your way.
I don’t condone much of the childish behaviour, manipulation, anger and ugliness that got us to this point. Beneath it all are two people who tried their best to make their relationship work.