I always want to better myself… which is hard when I also engage in self-harming practises. No, not ones that require me to be locked up. But still I ask myself why I don’t get more sleep, why I don’t eat better, why I allow myself to do this and that and the other unhealthy habits. Again, I think it comes down to not thinking/believing well of myself. I’ve tried affirming, “My body is a temple” and other such positive statements. More often than not I rebel with even later nights and inactivity and junk food. Or say to myself, “This is my last [fill in the blank] EVER.” And tomorrow I’ll say, “Well this really is the last ever…”
My standards are high. Perhaps too high. Or perhaps too high for me to reach in my current state of mind. Is it just another way of punishing myself by setting unattainable ideals? Or is it another example of giving in to temptation and victimhood? Can I really feel OK about the middle ground – striving for healthy habits but allowing myself to indulge every now and then?