Sweeping

I found myself, while sweeping the floor this evening, thinking that my partner doesn’t give me enough slack. First angered, I then noticed my thought patterns, the way I constantly let myself off for poor time management, lack of chores done, lack of many things done. Then I realised that in some ways it’s a compliment his thinking that I’m actually a competent, capable, functional person. My ready excuses mirror the way I generally feel about myself – that I’m NOT a competent, capable, functional, WHOLE person, that I am not only not good enough but that I am not good and that I don’t have faith in myself and my abilities.

I’m still questioning that moment. I feel that it’s a real insight and privilege to catch myself in that moment. I hope that it’s a sign of my growing awareness and a precurser to changing my thoughts and behaviours.

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About

Of the female variety and hungry for knowledge, truth and love.

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Posted in Inner World
One comment on “Sweeping
  1. We all struggle with unworthiness sometimes. It’s part and parcel of this grand carousel we ride, merry, go ’round again, again. It is a fine joke, defined by sweet and sour fictions. A little vegetarian duck sauce with that?

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