It finally happened, I finally had had enough. I resigned from my contracting work last Friday. I gave 2 weeks notice but was told to leave immediately. I guess the owner had had enough too.
It really sucks to resign and then have it feel like being fired. Since I refused to sign the dodgy contract, the owner showed me. Signing would have ensured 2 weeks notice from either party. That was about the only fair condition in the contract.
I spent Friday afternoon feeling sad and bewildered. I went for a bushwalk. I ate pizza. I bought a tub of icecream. I watched a chick flick. I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye to the clients. I’ve looked after some of them for almost 5 years. I’m hoping some of them will find me in my home clinic as I advertise.
I have so many thoughts circling around in my head. About how crap my work environment had become, going over emails and conversations and talks with industry professionals and colleagues and the lack of heart that resulted from all the formalities. It did my head in. It was mega stressful. And the work I did helping run someone else’s business was hard. It turned out that a new owner didn’t appreciate me or the other contractors. I had really put my heart and soul into that place and done so much unpaid time and extra work over the years that it’s a big thing to let go of. I feel the need to do some kind of ritual where I honour myself and let go.
Meanwhile in the last few months, my own business started booming. Regular clients. Clients in the home. My paid advertising was working. I was rushing around taking bookings. And oh, the towels. Laundering towels morning, noon and night. It was exciting but always scares me that the work may not last. I purchased a lighter massage table, more towels, I made giddy plans for getting a website together and more advertising bit by bit as money comes in.
I fell behind in my gardening work. I was working 6 or 7 days of the week but still couldn’t keep up. I currently have a backlog and will catch up in the next week or two. I considered advertising for more gardening work but honestly, my heart’s not in it. I am bored when I’m working. I like my own garden where I can effect more change. More gardening work is a last resort if my other leads dry up.
I’ve had family and friends come to stay during this time and been grumpy as I’ve had too much happening. I’m actually an introvert. I need down time and alone time. Ha!
And also, for the last few months I’ve been applying for jobs and going to interviews. Phone interviews. Those horrid group interviews. One-on-one interviews. I’ve been applying for any retail work I can do part-time/casual while I work on my own business and just to replace my other work.
It is a lot, isn’t it? I have had a lot on my plate. I’ve been scattered. I’m always doing lots of different things and never know what to focus on. I don’t feel that I do things well, just get them done.
I also haven’t had time to care for myself. I need to dye my hair again, get a hair cut. I have barely had any exercise. Fortunately, I’m sleeping well but just don’t feel I’m looking after myself.
And after a few days of being one job down, I woke up this morning confused about what to do. I have free time this week and needed to decide whether to do gardening work, advertise my massage work or more job applications. I’m used to having high stress levels push me through my day. There’s always a pressing matter, client, laundry, job application or task to do so I do the most urgent thing and work through my list.
I don’t want that lifestyle anymore. I want simplicity. I don’t mind having a full life but routine is good and simplifying is good.
This morning, as I checked my email, I discovered that I have progressed in a job application and need to supply some documents and gain a certificate that I can do online. I’m working on those now and just wanted to write to start to get my thoughts out of my head.
I’m looking forward to lower stress levels. I like the idea of retail as something different, having people around me, that will have stress levels matching the role (pretty low once I’m used to it). It will be an activity that I get paid for and can do temporarily (and hopefully won’t suck) as I further my own business.
Do they go together? I’ve been reading a lot about having passive income, making some kind of digital product that will sell as you sleep. That’s my aim, to get a book or online course together eventually.
For now, being rid of a super stressful job situation and able to pay the bills are at the top of the list. I can feel that my thoughts are still jumping form one thing to another so meditating and writing and imagining how I want my life to be are what I’ll be doing… after I get these latest documents together.
On to better times…